Day 2: How Can I Escape Them?

Everyone is afraid of something. Sometimes it’s the smallest things in life that you’re afraid of that would make most people laugh. The thing(s) you fear are no laughing matter. It’s hard to describe fear because it’s different for everyone. When I’m afraid, I usually have this tightening at the back of my throat. My pulse races and I sometimes (who am I kidding?) feel like I’m suffocating. My vision doubles (not a metaphor, it really doubles) and I feel a very strong urge to run away, hands flailing in the air, while screaming at the top of my lungs (or I would if I could breathe).

The problem I have with my fears is that I can’t bond with anyone over my fears (you’re probably questioning my sanity now that I implied that people bond over their fears) because they are apparently uncommon. I don’t have arachnephobia (fear of spiders). I don’t have ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), I actually think snakes are kind of cute (I know you’re dying to, but don’t question it…really, don’t…), which is funny because my dad simply detests them…he has ophidiophobia. I definitely don’t suffer fromacrophobia (fear of heights), nor do I suffer from cynophobia (fear of dogs). 

I am afraid of several things, actually three things. First and foremost is glossophobia which is the fear of public speaking or speaking in general. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you know that my anxiety level with glossophobia is exteremely high. Just thinking about it right now is making my skin jump off my bones. I’m not sure how I came to have such a severe case of glossophobia, since I feel like I’ve had it since I could remeber. It’s really ironic that I have it at all. My father is a musical prodigy and a total ‘social butterfly.’ He loves being social and he does it well. He’s the kind of man that can make a little old lady sell her soul to the devil (he wouldn’t, especially since he’s really religious, it was an example…a bad one). Anyway, he loves performing, being the center of attention, and having a ton of friends without actually having any, by his choice (if you get my meaning). My mother is more of a quiet person, but she isn’t shy and she doesn’t have glossophobia…Neither of them understand why I’m so afraid of making speeches, talking to a group of people, or even talking to just one person (I’m so confused and thankful for my friends because I’m not the easiest person to talk to and being afraid to talk to new people is just…I’m not sure I can describe it..in other words, it takes a lot of patience to communicate with me at the start of a relationship).

My second greatest fear is agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place. I think this goes along with glossophobia. It’s all about that social interaction that terrifies me. Let’s face it, being around a ton of people isn’t exactly appealing to most people (myself included). I can’t stand having the feeling of someone I don’t know being so close to me they practically breathe down my neck. I don’t want to offend anyone, but this is common in bigger cities (or the ones I’ve been to at least) and it’s horrible! I don’t know how people can stand living near places like that. I have a feeling I have agoraphobia because of an incident that took place when I was little involving my mother and I. I’ve learned that when you’re young (pre-adolescence) that you do not, by any means, leave your mothers side when you’re in Kmart…

Astraphobia or astrapophobia is my third fear. It’s the fear of thunder and lightning, it’s also known as ceraunophobia, or keraunophobia. I’m not as afraid of thunder and lightning as I am public speaking (or any speaking) or open spaces. I’m not even sure if it’s a legitimate fear or if the loud noises are just an annoyance. I’m almost certain that it’s a little of both. Now I do have lilapsophobia (fear of tornadoes and hurricanes). It’s almost instinctual to be afraid of, in most cases, large storms that could destroy everything around you…and if you think about it, unless you live in an extremely hilly area, you’re in trouble because tornadoes strike everywhere!

So what about you? What are you afraid of? What do you think about the fears your friends/family have (if any at all)?

-AlexEelise

30 Day Challenge…10 Random Facts…

So I’ve realized that I don’t have a very exciting life. Sad, but true, so I’ve decided to start a 30 day blog challenge. I’m going to start the first day by listing 10 random facts about myself.

1) I rarely ever have thoughts in my head. I count begin to tell you how many times a friend or family member have told me to ‘spit out what I’m thinking’ and I don’t know if it was my facial expression or the way I tilted my head, but I’m honestly NOT thinking about anything. My mind is blank. I guess I could describe it as white noise.

2) I say ‘I love’ something (not a person, but an object, e.g. a song) about fifty times a day.cI don’t know why, I guess it’s because I don’t have the words to say ‘love’ instead. I’m very ashamed of my vocabulary, but I’m 19. I figure I have a while to go before I’m truly shamed with my bad English.

3) I LOVE (see, I used it again) musicals. I would say that musicals are my ‘guilty pleasures’ but I’m not ashamed of my love (again) for them. It doesn’t even matter what sub-genre of musical they are, I LOVE them. My favorites include: Dirty Dancing, Les Miserables (I can’t wait to see the new one! I’ve seen almost all of the film/play editions), Moulin Rouge, The Nightmare Before Christmas (Tim Burton is a genius!), The Muppets (all of them…), Labyrinth (wasn’t it amazing?), Phantom of the Opera, and more recent, Burlesque, and yes, even Mama Mia. There are others I like…Hairspray (don’t judge me) is great in the fact that I support the issues it raises (racial equality and body image). I like Sweeney Todd mostly because of Johnny Depp’s role as the ‘demon barber.’ Nine is good too if you are interested in long movies that progress at a slower rate. Oh boy, if I continue any longer, this post will consist of nothing but a ton of musicals that I’ve seen and like/love and I’ve seen a ton of them! Instead of rambling on like I have, I’ll move on to the next fact…

4) I can’t believe I’m only on #4… I have a short attention span. It doesn’t get any better (in fact it gets worse) when I’m with my bestfirend! I love her more than anything, but it’s gotten so bad that she’s a ‘gold fish’ and I’m a ‘squirrel.’ Now that I think about it, do squirrels actually have a short attention span? I’ll have to ask one sometime… *looks away* SHINY!

5) I say I like being alone, but in reality it’s what I’m most afraid of. For the sake of my sanity I’m not going to over analyze this.

6) Good thing I put that as #5 bercause #6 is that I over analyze things. There’s nothing worse than doing this when you’re in a relationship. It leads to a ton of misunderstandings. It’s a horrible trait to have. This is mostly why my math skills aren’t on par with most people, or maybe it’s the fact that I just don’t get it. Ugh. Math just makes my head hurt.

7) I’m terribly afriad (more like deathly) of public speaking. Even in the most casual of settings, I’m a mess if I have to be give a speech (sad thing is, it doesn’t even have to be a speech). Some people don’t understand what it’s like. They’ll say it’s ‘fine’ or ‘it’ll be over quickly’ but the truth is, it doesn’t. When I know I have to give a speech, or whatever, days before the ‘speech’ is full of anxiety and it only gets worse as the date approaches. The day of is insane. I wake up having almost flu like symptoms (e.g. clamy hands, upset stomach, fever, sometimes chills, etc.). That’s just me getting up. The hour before is kind of like blacking out, but not quite… I remeber once I passed out. Another time I…well, never mind. After I actually give the ‘speech’ I’m shaking all over, I can’t see straight, and I’m almost lethargic. A few days after that, I’m completely exhausted both physically and mentally.

8) I’m always doubting how people view me. I understand why I always have this heavy feeling of doubt (low self-esteem is an evil thing). There’s a point where (and I hope this never happens to anyone) your self-esteem gets so low you are afraid to do anything and you fear the people you love. You doubt everyone whether they are telling you how much you mean to them, what they like about you, that you have changed them (and you think they’re insane because you can’t grasp the concept of you changing someone when you can’t even change how you feel about yourself). It really sucks if they say something out of anger or frustration and you take it to heart because you feel like that’s what they really feel about you because that’s how you feel about yourself.

9) I like a ton of Italian food. My friend insists it’s because I’m part Italian, but I’m pretty sure that’s not it.

10) I love the 1800’s and I would love to live in that time (even if I was poor and had to be a barmaid). My obsession runs so deep with this time period that I’ve read many works of literature (for enjoyment) and I watch movies/plays that take place during the 1800’s (the Jane Austin movies that BBC make are, in my opinion, delightful).

These are 10 random facts about myself. Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think!

-AlexEelise

Growing Older Brings Change

I’ve started to realize little by little how age changes people. I always thought that I’d be the same person when I got older. Then, as I got older, I thought that I would change, make a new identity for myself be someone ‘new.’ I thought that I would become more matured over the passage of time. From experience, I’ve realized that you can change into a person you don’t want to be without realizing it. When you do realize it, you don’t know how to revert back to your original self. Even now as I’m typing, I can feel myself changing. My mind’s constantly deciding whether I should add this or that detail for emphasis or if I should recount this tale or that; you’re probably wondering how a detail like that can show a ‘change,’ I assure you it does. It’s a matter of language or imagery. If I use slang, I’d most likely be thought of as an immature teenager. But if I use proper English, I could be thought of as a mature young adult. Maybe, maybe not.

Change isn’t something to be afraid of because it makes you different. Change can turn you into a better person, but then again, it might have the opposite effect. One night you could go to sleep and think the world is a wonderful place and then when you wake up, it hits you, suddenly the world isn’t as bright and happy and interesting as it once was. You start to notice the sobering things around you. In literature this is called a ‘loss of innocence’ and that’s not wrong. Once you’ve lost your innocence (not in a physical sense though that could be a possibility) you become more and more jaded or pessimistic. While optimism is an amazing thing to hold on to, it’s really hard to maintain once you’re on your own or you witness the hardships of life. Even turning on your television you’ll see it (death, murder, war, rape…you name it, it’s there) the world is a little less, if not completely, different.

In the beginning (my childhood) I was quiet, shy, and a little more knowledgeable about certain things then I cared to be, but I was still a child who believed in the people around me. I believed the world was an amazing place because that’s what my family taught, even though I was alone most of the time (both parents were hard workers climbing up the ladder that is business) I knew that I would one day go out into that big world and there would be great mysteries waiting for me (if I only knew). A year before I hit puberty all that started to change. Instead of one friend, I had managed to make several while still being quiet and shy. I have to admit, these friends were probably a major mistake on my part, but they were my friends. It didn’t matter that they didn’t understand me, or that they used excessive amounts of profanities in their conversations, or that they were expected (maybe the word I’m looking for is obligated) join a gang, I didn’t care because I had proved that I could properly function as a human being because I was doing the one thing that all human beings do (whether they like it or not), I was socializing.

I maintained my life that way for awhile until I began noticing more and more that I was different compared to the little girls and boys around me. I wasn’t thin and I wasn’t pretty, well not as pretty compared to all the others. Things started going downhill once I became more and more ashamed of my body and my overall personality. I became more and more closed up and unsocial. It got to the point of major loneliness (now I realize that I was the cause of my loneliness, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past. Would I have is something I ask myself all the time, and the answer is always no.) This took place during my last two years of middle school when I was roughly around 13-14 years old. I probably spent everyday hoping, imagining, and even praying that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Because of this and other reasons, the friends I once had were all driven away. So once again, I was alone. But here’s where I’m going to attempt to make my original point about changing. When I was little, I craved socialization. I wouldn’t get in trouble or go out and seek the attention I wanted, no, I would wait expecting for someone to notice that I wanted their attention. After this, I became more and more aware of the fact that I wanted to be alone (because I felt misunderstood and judged and I felt that no one cared). I became a complete introvert to the point of becoming a ‘hermit’ as my mother would say.

I did get help for my problems and as much as I would like to say it helped, it didn’t. I think I helped myself more than my therapist and psychologist did, but I’m kind of proud of that (who can say that they healed themselves faster then the doctor? Well you don’t hear it often). Once I hit high school I still struggled with my many insecurities (I still do somewhat), but everything started going in the right direction. I slowly became more open and eventually made more friends (I made a couple in middle school that carried over into high school), the same friends that I have today (I’m really grateful for them, they’re the best people I’ve ever met). I sort of (not completely, but I’m working on it) came out of my shell. I let them get close to me (something that terrified me), and I bonded with them. I basically showed them all of my cards (I’m a very honest, open, and brazen  even now) and they accepted me for it. Now I go out with them all the time (something I would never have done as a younger teenager), and I socialize and act my age (sometimes a little younger, but not by much). Sure, I still do prefer to be alone sometimes. My change has made it easier for me to talk to strangers (there’s still a small hesitancy) now, who knew? I can even go out and have fun and be completely at ease. I used to be really nervous and paranoid. Now, I only become self-conscious for a few seconds before the people around me smile at me, laugh at a witty remark, or really listen and take into consideration the serious, meaningful things I have to say. Writing about this and analyzing how I was compared to who I am now is like looking into a glass mirror of a stranger because I’m very different than who I once was.

I would never have thought that I can actually be normal (or completely random and amazing…as my friends put it) and that I have a chance at being me without the consequences of being ruined be my greatest enemy, myself. I guess I’ve rambled on more than I should have, but I can attest to change. I have changed. There are still traits that I have that I had as a little girl, as a depressed and lonely child beginning puberty, and as a blooming teenager in the later years of adolescence. There are also traits that I have recently, in the past few years, acquired such as my fear of public speaking which completely contradicts my ability to work a crowd (I can’t begin to explain that). I’m more open and friendly then I used to be, I’m more charismatic, and I’m more approachable (on most days).

George Bernard Shaw once said “progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” His statement is completely true. Without change, nothing can go forward. If we act the way we did as children nothing would get done. If we constantly act like irresponsible teenagers, there would be more problems with the world then there already are. But as we change, our views and perspectives change. Think of a world without change. Maybe it would be easier, but would you really want to live in a world without change? If history didn’t change, we would still be stuck in the middle ages. Humans probably wouldn’t have the many historical moments, extraordinary inventions, or ground breaking discoveries that they had, which we now benefit from if it weren’t for change. Change is a good thing (most of the time). It’s also a pain most of the time because it can be liberating yet imprisoning, basically a double-edged sword. It’s not something we can control easily and it can happen at any time without us noticing.

If it’s for the betterment of yourself then change. If you want to change just because you’re bored with your life, you should really think about the pros and cons to changing. Will the people you love still love you, will you still love yourself? How will changing help you? What do you want to become? Why do you want to become that way? I can’t stop you from changing, and I don’t want to, but it can take years to reinvent yourself. Do you really want to risk losing everything when you have nothing to gain?

-AlexEelise

Is it sensible, or am I crazy?

 I’ve recently started watching the television series Ancient Aliens with my mother, because she’s completely in love with that show, and I’ve noticed that my perspectives on life are changing (this isn’t due to the shows influence). I’ve always questioned the things I believe in, but now I don’t know if I’m just imprinting on my parents because I’ve grown up with their beliefs, or if I actually believe in these things. For those of you who don’t watch this show or have never heard of it, Ancient Aliens is a series that explains the ‘possibilities’ of aliens (extraterrestrial beings) that visited and inhabited the Earth for a while communicating to humans and sharing their knowledge of weaponry and whatnot. If you want a real summary of the show, you can look it up on the History channel. My family and I watch this (my mother, father) and it’s always interesting for us three to watch it because we have different views (they’re usually the same on most topics, but this particular subject is touchy) my mother usually leans towards the scientific side of life, while my father leans towards the religious, and I’m usually in the middle. But if your like my family and you watch this, you’ll either think “wow, this is really amazing,” like my mother, or “there’s no way this is possible, they’re just talking about God,” like my father, or you could be like me and say, “this is pretty awesome, but we can see these people have a few screws loose.” I’m slightly conflicted by my reactions because they blend those of my parents, and yet they feel completely different.

    There are times when I have the first reaction, which is probably because I’ve grown up in a household (my mother’s part in my upbringing as you can see) where there is a possibility (a very high one) that there is life on other planets. I think it’s hard for me because I know I can’t dispute this statement because I don’t know if there is life on other planets or not. I can tell you that I haven’t seen any flying saucers drifting about and I haven’t suffered from any memory loss or backside pain (my bad take on a probing joke…). But the more I think about it, the more confused I get. There’s a constant war with religion and science and how they’re separate subjects and beliefs that can’t be grouped together but that doesn’t help someone like me who does combine the two (constantly). In my experience, people who believe in religion aren’t very happy listening to the scientific reasoning of ‘evolution’ (not in the bible belt anyway) and it’s the same for people of science or scientists. The second reaction I have could be considered normal since I was brought up believing in religion and a ‘higher’ power (from my father’s and grandmother’s influence). I do have to say that a lot of what they say, even though most of it isn’t proven, hits home for me.

    I’m afraid that I’ll never really have my own separate opinion on this subject, but I definitely hate saying that believing in this could show a major problem with naivety. If you ask any of my family members or friends, they can tell you, being called naive is something I hate hearing. I don’t suggest getting confused and wrapped up in the subject like I am who is slightly dying on the inside (…bad joke, I make a lot of them), but if you have free time, I would suggest watching it. Even if you don’t take it seriously, it does talk about many historical civilizations and world leaders in innovation and other interesting aspects of the past that are actually really incredible (like the pyramids). So I want to leave you with this question, do you believe there’s life out there? If you say yes, think about the possibility of aliens coming here and communicating with our ancestors. If you say no, instead of being extremely closed up about it, think about the possibilities. Be a little more open-minded and start thinking with a new perspective. Who knows, maybe one day the question of whether or not there is life on another planet will be answered. I hope I live to see the day that happens because it’ll be very momentousness in the history of the world.   

-AlexEelise    

The Thing I Can’t Even Begin to Understand.

Politics, this word usually proves some very strong emotions, usually this word invokes images of the past, the present, and the future of our country. But for me, it’s a whole other ball game. There isn’t a thing I can understand when this topic of discussion comes up in the middle of a conversation. Usually I feel really nervous at the thought of discussion because I don’t know much. I know that makes me sound ignorant and I am. I’ve never been interested in politics, I just can’t seem to be interested in it. When I try to become interested, I feel like I have no idea what’s going on (because I really don’t) and I just get annoyed and from there everything goes into one ear and out the other.

Now I’ve done something today that I’ve never done before, I watched the presidential debate. Now for a person like me who knows nothing and has no interest, it’s hard to stay interested in the topics being debated upon. There are many things (mostly terms) that I don’t understand being thrown about and the confusion fogging my brain makes the points being brought up confused and I feel slightly disoriented.

I’ve realized that I’ve made several mistakes while watching this. One, I’ve decided to watch this with my father because, I mean, why not? We’re both civilized (even somewhat hardheaded people) who enjoy watching television and discussing the future, but in this particular instance, I may have invoked a large war within my house. My father is, let’s say older, and I’m a young struggling college student. If you don’t get what I’m talking about, then you haven’t been raised in a household where the old way is the good way. So here we are, me and the pops, yelling at each other about who’s right, what’s right, who’s wrong and the like, well it’s become very apparent to the both of us that neither of us agree when it comes to the  American government and politics so why we watch it and debate it frequently is beyond me. So with the common comments of “that’s not true” and “why aren’t we seeing any of this” we continued to watch the election that so many people are closely following. The second mistake I have made while watching this is the fact that I’m even watching it in the first place. I don’t know anything about what they’re debating over and my mind now feels like hot jello. As concerned as I am for the future of our government, I can’t take anymore of this. With all the ads and accusations and fallacies, I can’t separate fact from fiction. I don’t think I’ll ever get politics. In theory, it seems slightly complicated…in reality on the other hand, it is so much more than ‘slightly complicated.’

I’m going to stop watching now because I actually need to use my brain tomorrow, but it’s interesting how much of a reaction the public has to this particular election. I don’t remember it being this big of a topic when it was for Bush’s election nor the election after that with Obama’s election in 2008. I just hope that whoever wins can help the 23 million people out of work find jobs. Whoever wins will hopefully be able to save our butts! I know this is going to take a long time for everything to get better (definitely more then 4 years) because it took a long time to get in to this mess, but I hope we can start to see a change soon.

-AlexEelise

Who Says Beauty Can’t Come in all Shapes and Sizes?

A friend once told me that I was beautiful. Having grown up as a bigger girl, I’ve always had a low self-esteem, but it’s higher now than ever. When I was little, I knew I was different. I knew I wouldn’t grow up to look like Barbie or any of the famous women (in my case Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera) during my childhood. It always bugged me seeing them and then looking at myself. I always used to wonder what I had done to look the way I do, but I never got any answers. I’m still a plus size girl in a petite world.

I’m not writing this to get pity from anyone and I’m not writing this to put anyone down because I know that however way you look at me, from any and all directions, I’m a big girl. And yes before you ask, I have tried dieting (never works, plus you’re eating nasty food, so why do it if there are no results?), and I exercise (frequently). It’s funny how many people ask me if I’m active, and I usually have two reactions to that question, either I say “yes, I do exercise regularly,” or I just tell them that I eat healthy daily and that I’m active, so no, I’m not a stereotypical ‘fat’ person. It always used to bother me, all the insinuations and accusations, but recently I’ve stopped listening to them because I know who I am and what I do everyday, and they don’t.

I was once told to be proud of who I am and that I should be thankful for the body that I have. Not listening to this speech (that came from more than one person, on more than one occasion) I kept putting myself down because I thought no one would ever find me pretty or beautiful because in all honesty, I thought I was disgusting (something I had also been told more than once). I always used to (and sometimes even now, old habits die hard) look in the mirror and compare myself to the models I see on the cover of Vogue and Seventeen Magazine and I’m tired of it! I hate how normal, beautiful girls (and guys), have to look at models and feel that they’re not good enough because of how much they weigh. Being a model isn’t all glitz and glam. According to Medical News Today, 40% of models aren’t healthy at all! They say that 40% of today’s models are suffering from eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. I can only assume (I know, assumptions are bad) because they feel pressured. Sometimes regular people and not just models, can develop body dismorphic disorder, where a person (male/female) always feel like there’s something wrong with their body, and they constantly obsess over it. Body dismorphic disorder can also be called ‘imagined ugliness’ because it’s usually an internal (inside the body/mind) problem. It’s sad that many people would rather be unhealthy as ‘skinny’ than as ‘fat’. It’s hard to acknowledge it, but many people are okay with that as long as they’re not overweight, obese, or morbidly obese. Neither anorexia nor obesity is healthy, because nothing extreme is healthy. I understand why people are worried about being bigger because of the health risks, but not every big person is overweight, they could be perfectly within their BMI (Body Mass Index).

This morning I watched the Today show, like I usually do, and they reported a story about Jennifer Livingston, a news reporter, who received an e-mail from a local that insulted her on her body image and the fact that she’s overweight! First of all, I’m very impressed with the way she handled it the situation. What that person did was horrible and the fact that she had to explain to her children about what happened is just ridiculous! She’s a very beautiful and respected woman within her community, so for her to have to be insulted (by someone who doesn’t know her, isn’t her friend/family, and doesn’t even know her personality) is really disgusting. Things like that happen all the time to many people (no matter who you are, healthy or otherwise). I know everyone has their own opinion (freedom of speech and all that jazz) and that’s fine, but to voice your opinions to knowingly hurt or humiliate someone is inexcusable, that’s very close to sadism. Several people are saying that she’s the bully because she told the person off while she was on the news, but I think she had every right to do that (most people wouldn’t have the courage knowing they would have to openly discuss the embarrassing issue). I salute her for her bravery!

I can’t tell you much because I’m still young and I still have a lot to learn, but take it from my experience, it’s so much easier to love yourself and how you look than it is to constantly avoid the mirrors in your house. And it hurts less than always degrading or mutilating yourself. Be proud of who you are because everyone is beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If you know people who call you “ugly, fat, disgusting, sickly,” or whatever else, it’s apparent that they’re not the right type of person for you to be around. Find your beholder and love yourself! I openly admit that I’m a hypocrite in this respect, but I’m slowly coming to terms with who I am and what I look like, and I’m learning that you don’t always have to judge yourself based on others opinion of you or even what society dictates is right (no one is completely the same or ‘right’) and perfect (no one is perfect). I’m a very stubborn person, so when I say that you can wake up and face your reflection with a smile on your face, I know you can! Stop listening to the negative and start loving the positive! Every flaw you have is beautiful; every flaw you have sets you apart from the crowd and makes you shine. Cherish your flaws, your body, your imperfections, people will love you even more once they see all of you. You are beautiful, don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

-AlexEelise

Reality

As a little girl, I would always imagine what the world had in store for me. I’d always wonder how I would turn out. Would I become a beautiful actress, a woman astronaut, would I be considered as one of the glorious undead that Hollywood has marketed for years, or would I live happily ever after with my one true love? Looking back at those ideas, I’m very disheartened. I realize now that I was setting myself up for disaster.

As kids we don’t know that the world doesn’t turn out to be what we expected. We are taught that we can accomplish anything and everything that we set our minds to and I’m not saying that that’s untrue, but I am saying that it’s much harder than we were originally taught. Either as a male or female, life isn’t easy especially in this economy where dozens of people are searching for jobs and relationships are falling apart from the strain of politics, religion, and human rights issues. Looking back at my childhood, I’m glad that I thought that I was able to maintain that innocence, but I wonder what would have happened if I had considered what my life would be like if it paralleled a Disney movie instead of following in its footsteps as it is now. Would I have been more comfortable with life, or would I still be struggling with how I should live and how I am living?

The saddest thing we learn as we gradually age is that unlike Disney characters, being popular, glamorous, or even loved is a full time job that many people don’t achieve because of heavy burdens placed upon them. Humans are very fragile creatures and once we crack, it’s hard to bounce back. Unfortunately I am in the population of the unlucky that didn’t turn out to be amazingly talented with my voice like Cinderella or captivating and adventurous like Ariel. I just turned out to be me, a shy, glossophobic, completely weird, random individual who can hardly be called a princess and I’m okay with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we don’t have to be perfect because no one is, in fact, most ‘perfect’ things are very boring and as pretty and fascinating as they are, they don’t liven up a room, rustic pieces are much more interesting and they have stories that don’t just include being wrapped in plastic for its entire era.

The world is a tough and difficult place to succeed in because of our dog-eat-dog era, but we have the right to take a step back and realize, even with a twinge of disappointment and regret, that the reality we have is so much better than the fairy tales Who wants their tale to begin with woe and have an ending that’s typical of everyone else’s? Who wants to be docile and weak, always running away like Snow White? I don’t! Even though I know the days ahead of me will be even more challenging than the next and probably just as dull and stressful, I will strive to make my reality a little less heavy and more light and carefree. Okay probably not too carefree, a little seriousness is required for adulthood. But I don’t want to end up with a predictable life like a princesses and I don’t want to play the role of the mean (maybe just misunderstood) step-sister. I want to write my own life minus the talking rats (ew!) and the steeped in privilege prince who had everything handed to him (boring!)! I want a story full of friends (who, unless they’re animals, don’t appear very often in fairy tales), I want to travel, learn a trade, make my mark on the world (even if it’s a small region, I’m being realistic here), and I want to enjoy what life has to offer.

I don’t have the things the Disney movies advertised, and even though I know that I didn’t have a sad beginning, and I probably won’t end up with riches, or graced with good looks, one thing I do know is that I do have the knowledge that there are other people going through what I am. I’m not alone so I will always have people to look up to. I will always, in a sense, be guided by those before me. I am a college student transitioning from once stage of life to the next. As confusing and exciting as it is, (plus difficult!) it isn’t that bad. I’ll try not to take for granted everything that has been shown and given to me because I know, even though I am a pessimist, that our stories have the ability to become fairy tales (realistic one’s of course), we just have to believe in the magic that transforms us from the quiet, docile girl to the sweet beauty that the many princes will fall head over heels for.

I know many people will probably scoff at what I’ve wrote and that’s okay, but I do believe that everyone should get a chance to have a little touch of magic and naivety brought into their life. Being serious and negative all the time is a huge pain! Not everything has to be tough or boring. If you ever feel like you need to get out or if you ever feel weary of the endless tasks and expectations, make a list of things you’ve wanted to do and execute something on that list, you could be very happy with the results! Life is hard and the cold unforgiving reality that we’re living in is worse.

Once I hit puberty, I used to think that I had to do everything and anything to get praised because I genuinely thought that I needed everyone’s approval, but years and several obstacles later, I now know that you have to put yourself above others. I know that sounds narcissistic  but I’m serious, reality is no piece of cake and if you want to get ahead in life or if you just want to be happy and healthy, even if it doesn’t involve dancing the night away or endlessly baking pies for your friends while singing along with the sweet whistle of birds, enjoy your life, recognize what you have and love yourself and all the things that make you who you are. You don’t need to be a princess or a glamorous beauty to face reality with a smile on your face because you all ready have that. Now smile, it’s easy, you already know how to do it. Once you have that smile on your face, go out and show reality who’s boss!

-AlexEelise

Relationships

There are many people in this world. These people, myself included, need to be social to survive, it’s just a fact of life. Humans are social creatures so it’s not a surprise to see people walking around with a phone held up to their ear or a couple holding hands walking along the street without a care in the world. But how many of these social interactions will last? How many relationships can you expect to last? I don’t think anyone has an answer for that. While we may think that our best friend will always be there, there isn’t a guarantee that’ll happen.

We have, at one point in time, seen people torn apart. Work plays a big role in separation  If you or a friend has a job (hopefully you both do, but in this economy…) you may find it hard to acquire time to spend together. This separation causes relationships to get strained or over time they can just fade away like nothing, especially if one of you is transferred to another state then chances are, the relationship will end because of major change in location. For most people, or for people like me, it’s hard to keep a relationship alive and if both parties are in different states then the struggle only gets harder. In a lot of cases, opinions can bring forth the end to a relationship. This includes religion, politics, sexuality, social class, and even ethnicity and or culture. I’ve seen many relationships strained because of this very thing and it’s been more prevalent in the case of the upcoming election. It’s even more apparent with families, more commonly so with the younger more liberal members and the older more conservative members. It’s sad how much of an impact politics can have and literally make a house divided. One thing to remember because I’ve gone through this time and time again with my family, even though you have your differences in opinion, you’re still family. Stick together, it may help you in the future when you start your own family (if you don’t, it’s still important to maintain those relationships). In this day and age, it’s hard to distinguish genuine relationships from ‘frenemies,’ or lukewarm acquaintances. I’m not saying all families get along, and I know they aren’t important, but don’t let things like politics jeopardize your bonds because even though you’re connected with blood, it’s so much easier to stop all communication. So if you ever feel like a civil war reenactment is about to take place in your family room, stop, take a deep breath and think about the reasons why you love your family. If you can’t think of any then why are you there?

I know I probably shouldn’t talk about this because I don’t want to offend anybody, but our lifestyles do affect our relationships. A lifestyle choice depicts who you are. It can reflect your views on the world, your attitude, and many more things that you as an individual hold dear. Now I know there are many different examples I could use, but I am a strong believer in LGBT rights. Many people are lesbian, gay (homosexual), bisexual, and transgender. Choosing this lifestyle comes at a price for a lot of people because of all the stigmas and phobias society has labeled the LGBT community. Many people have been disowned, bullied, harassed and humiliated by people they care the most for because they decided that they couldn’t live in the shadows anymore. I salute the people that risk everything they have to live happy and free (life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as our constitution states). So people shouldn’t have to be subjected to shame and confusion. After saying this, I know that there will always be people who can’t accept people for themselves. History has shown us that humans hate what’s different from them. As we all know, the world isn’t a forgiving place, and it hasn’t gotten any better since the fight for equality has started whether it be because of race, women’s rights, religious freedom, or the public recognition and acceptance of different sexual orientations.

The main thing I want to point out is that we can’t expect the people around us to always be there, it just doesn’t work that way. People over time change and once they complete that change, or even in the beginning stages of changing, it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship. Many people in the world today have trouble with communication and healthy socialization. I’m talking from my own experience as well as the experiences of others. Relationships either platonic or passionate have one key trait that holds them together, communication. When I say communication, I don’t mean texting someone if they caught the game that was one last night or if they saw what so and so was wearing the other day, what I mean by communication is face-to-face time. Between fifty-five to seventy percent of our communication is non-verbal (eye contact, body language, etc.) so that means that the verbal part of our interaction is only a small percent of the whole package. If what I was relaying to you by speech what I’m now writing, you would see my eyes scrunched up in concentration and you would see the way I throw up my hands in frustration when I don’t know what words to use to convey my message. These things, while taken for granted, are a very important part of communication. Body language shows if a person is really committed and honest about their idea or if they don’t agree on a subject like this one. I admit that I’m a very sarcastic person but there are times when I’m sincere. Since you can’t see me beyond the screen and black words, there could be moments in this where you can’t tell if I’m being sincere or if I’m being very sarcastic or rhetoric, while I can assure you I am the first rather than the later, if you saw my physical reactions, you could easily decide if my words are true or false.

Continuing on with the general theme of my topic, I want to state the dictionary definition. ‘Relationship’ is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected. With differences of opinion, views, experiences, and background the things that connect two or more people in the beginning can suddenly vanish for whatever reason be it age or a change after something huge has happened in their lives. I don’t know about most people, but of all the people that have made a presence in my life, the ones that claimed constant communication or reminiscing are very fickle because no one likes to admit the truth and the truth is that all things must come to an end. No one likes to say that they’ll forget you or that they may remember all the fun you had, but one day your image and name in their mind will disappear leaving in its place a memory, and a memory is just that, a memory, it’s not something physical that can be touched, it’s just an image stored in our brains. Most of the times, people often remember more bad times than good ones because they leave a stronger emotional impact.

Humans establish relationships because they, in some way, help us progress in the world, or they fill a need that we may have. I know saying ‘need’ sounds very basic, but if you think about it, you’ll see that it’s true. ‘Filling a need’ can be any number of things. It could help fill a need to gain a sense of security or it can be an outlet for you to let out your negative emotions and receive more positive emotions. Relationships are important for the development of human beings from infants to adults so doesn’t it make sense to open your eyes to all the possibilities mankind/womankind has to offer? Be happy and live your life, have new experiences, meet new people, and experience new cultures. Stretch your mind and exercise your communication skills. Relationships are important to everyone, even to introverts (I should know!) so go out and start mingling!

-AlexEelise